Time to do a quick-and-dirty year in review, while my mom’s still in good spirits about holding the kiddo.
As I knew it would be, this has been the year of releasing an album and having a kid. I said most of my piece about the former in my previous entry, but the tl;dr is that I think I’m gonna refocus for awhile on the music-making (writing all the songs, playing good shows) and less on trying to drop the most fire album of 2014.
Re: the parenthood thing, which I’m about four and a half months into now: there are so many cliches about this time and I’m sure I won’t dodge all (or maybe any) of them, but here’s a handful of reflections that characterize my experience.
- It’s kind of amazing how mundane it all is? Like most of my days consist of the same chores and errands that they always have, except with a fifteen-pound weight hanging from my shoulder.
- It’s true that it’s a pretty magical time, but not all of the time. Rather, it’s super ordinary so much of the day, but the kidlet always manages to do something adorable or incredible or at least random and weird before things seem dull or desperate.
- I still feel like the same person? I can’t say exactly how I pictured myself differently from outside the experience of parenthood, but it is some comfort to know that it’s still me here, just doing some different stuff.
- At the same time, sometimes I can feel it growing me up. It’s really not so much that I love Hazel so much more than I’ve ever loved anyone anything, but that I take responsibility for him more than I ever have for anyone or anything. On both the day-to-day and in the long term, there’s no question as to my priorities.
- But even at the same time as that, I had and still have a faith that the other important things in my life–music, relationships, politics–are not utterly displaced by having a kid now, only rearranged for a time. For music at least, I’ve managed to keep writing, and I’m immensely grateful that it’s something I’ve already been able to share with Hazel, in the form of lullabies and other soothing songs, as well as just propping the kid up and practicing my songs, which he seems to like pretty well as long as all his other creature needs are met.
- All in all, I think we’re doing really well with it, which is in no small part due to the amazing support we’ve received from friends and community.
A little roundup of last year’s goals:
- I put out that goddamn album. Hey, can I just say, I’m still really proud of this, give it a listen wouldja?
- I went on a gaddamn tour. Still my favorite thing.
- I wrote eight songs! Honestly more than I was expecting to, but we had a nice little burst here at the end of the year. Someday I’ll start going to the Utah regularly again, and you’ll get to hear them. For my records, here’s what they’re called:
- Mama Don’t Mind
- Love, Liberation
- Song for a Song
- The Final Throes of my Extended Adolescence
- Love of my Death
- To Robin, or No One at All
- Butcher Paper Heart
- I said I would do another release, and you know what, I’m gonna declare victory with having appeared on Sunroom Recordz’ debut compilation Crocodilez. Give that mug a listen too!
More than anything my existence feels very day-to-day now, so it’s probably not really useful to set too specific of goals for next year, other than:
- Play some shows, starting with this one.
- Go on a tour next summer?
- Keep writing songs
- Keep raising that kidlet with love and attention
I think I can manage that.